Enough

Everyone has something that they're really good at, whether it be politics, motherhood, photography or medicine. Mine? I'm a good actress..no, scratch that, a GREAT actress. I pretty good at photography and anything else creative too. But the cruel joke is that I'm stuck with average looks and a spare tire. Not to mention the fact that I'm in an area of the country that makes it almost impossible to get noticed!

I'm newly, an happily, married to a wonderful man who loves me for who I am, but sometimes I just long for the recognition and the feeling that I'm special, that I stand out above most. I'm a performer at heart and I can't for the life of me change that. It's just that the cards seem to be stacked against me. I used to have a much better physique at least, but I was married to a total jerk who wanted me hidden from the rest of the world. Then after I got divorced, I was free, but I was also so broke I couldn't afford to go after anything remotely like my dreams.

I had a few small tastes of it....I have a clips4sale store that allowed me to be creative and act, although extremely cheesy and I would never get recognized there, that's for sure. There are no community theatres near by, so the stage acting is out. I had my love of photography rekindled by an ex-boyfriend, who actually used me as his second shooter for a while and I loved it! But that was yanked away when he could get more 'professional' photographers to help, then he got married so she'll be replacing me completely. The guy who was helping me with my clips store up and decided that he was done with me, so he dropped me as well. It just kills me to know that I would have done anything for these guys, I supported the photographer when he was just starting out, I helped the clips guy through some really rough patches and what happened? I got tossed aside and forgotten. Does true friendship honestly just NOT exist? I mean, I had my doubts for years, but these guys actually changed my mind into thinking that I could actually have a decent friendship, then when I least expexted it, BAM! It was gone and quite frankly I really feel used :(

People just don't give a hoot about how good your heart is unless it's encased within a barbie-doll physique, nice and local and they don't have to put forth any effort unless sex is a perk. I mean really?! Has our society really downgraded to such a level? I think it's pathetic! I would NEVER just drop someone without serious cause and even then I'd let them know why, so they could learn from their mistakes and have a chance to redeem themselves.

Now I'm in my 40's, 20 pounds heavier, and wrinkles have started creeping into my less than stellar face. Maybe I just just vanish, hang up my cape for good and forget about those who have tossed me aside, just live out the next few years as an ugly housewife and deal with it. At least my husband loves me and thinks I'm attractive, as long as I make sure he doesn't get his eyes checked out, I should be fine! LOL I'll never be a photographer or an actress, probably never have any more close friends, but who cares? Who'll even read this? Nobody, probably, lol it's just my personal rant, complaint department, pity party, reality check, whatever. I have one really great best friend, he just happens to be my husband too, and that'll have to be enough.